Appalachian Trail: Day 23
Disclaimer: This post is NOT sponsored. All the gear mentioned in this post was purchased by me at retail prices. I have no affiliations with any of the companies or brands mentioned.
I tried to think of different ways to sugar coat this, but I think being blunt is the best approach. Today was a bad day.
The 4200 ft elevation gain over the course of 11 miles did not help, nor the rain all day. But honestly, those weren't the cause of the bad day.
Honestly, the bad day started much sooner, it just took until today to finally catch up with me. And it goes back to my old friend, loneliness.
I saw Bubbles this morning. Apparently, Machete and Slow Burn are behind somewhere and he was commenting how he missed them. And then Shaka, Sugar Baby, and Trout were sitting on the other side of the shelter last night talking while I was sitting there feeling left out of the conversation. Then I also started thinking about the crew with Mixer, Trinket, Spare Change, and Green and how they were going to wait for Rock Dancer. And everywhere I look around I see these tramilies forming. Yet, I'm still not part of one. At best, I'm that weird cousin that gets tolerated when I'm around, but forgotten when I'm not. That's how it is in my normal life, so I don't know why I would expect that to change out here.
Combine that feeling with the feeling of slogging through today. Even though everything says I made good time even with the horrible climb, I felt like I was going so slow. My feet felt so heavy like I was walking through thick sticky mud even though there was very little mud on the trail and what little there was was slippery. I also got rudely told that apparently I snore like a jackhammer.
And then there is the amount of times I have to introduce myself using my pronouns because for some reason when I am on the trail, I keep getting misgendered. The other hikers have been accepting, but still the fact that I can't seem to be gendered correctly to start with sucks.
I started crying multiple times today too. I had to keep giving myself a pep talk to be able to make it to the shelter otherwise I wouldn't have been able to see the trail. And unfortunately, I am stuck in the shelter too because of Smokey Mountain rules, so I can't even cry myself to sleep because it's too public. I have to fight back tears even as I am writing this. And I can't blow my nose too much or people will assume I am sick instead of just emotional.
The lack of cell phone signal and thus the lack of ability to reach out to what little friends and support system I have doesn't help me get through this day.
It's a bad day and I know better than to quit on a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Just gotta get through the Smokeys and make it into Hot Springs where I can take a zero or two.
I hiked in from Fontana Dam Shelter, which they call the Fontana "Hilton". Felt more like a motel than a real hotel, but still a nice shelter. Actual flushing toilets and a shower. The climb was brutal. Got passed by a bunch of the other hikers. Started thinking that maybe my trail name should have been Drifter instead of Whiplash because of that Whitesnake song, Here I Go Again, because "Like a drifter I was born to walk alone". I know my slow speed on the uphills is probably one of the main reasons I tend to hike alone. Crossed into Tennessee and will be playing leapfrog with the TN/NC border all through the Smokeys.